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Uganda is a SHITHOLE

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By Roy William Mayega



noun, vulgar slang

plural noun: shitholes

“An extremely dirty, shabby, or otherwise unpleasant place”.

Many of the so-called middle income surburbs we boast of fall in this category. Take for instance Kulambiro, Kyanja, Buwate, Najjeera, Kira: Plush manshions sitting in heaps of rubbish. Kulambiro for example is just 13km from the city centre. Resident to State Ministers, Commissioners, Judges, so-called corporates. The 9 km road through this so-called middle income haven is a shit-way: extremely dusty, full of potholes, and occasional mounds of shit left by drunkards.

Residents with shitty brains keep racing on the miserable excuse of a road, unfurling large plumes of dust mixed with dry sewage. No plan whastoever: A moderately endowed manshion in one corner is surrounded by a pigsty on one side, a waragi bar on the other side, a den of thieves on one side, and a fake papyrus church that blasts fake gospel music the entire day! Although garbage collecters charge 30K per month, several dwellers in the main trading center do not subscribe. Rather, they wake up early morning and conveniently place the garbage at the edge of an empty plot.

A little dingy shop sells chilled water in Kavera. The shop has no dustbin so the kaveera is litered along the road, distributed several meters away by small cyclones of dusty wind. No sorting of rubbish whatsoever – dead batteries spewing heavy metals into the stream where 40% of the peopple derive their drinking water. Buwate has the largest number of emaciated loitering dogs and cats. No driveway there runs parallel to another; all drive ways are rough and rugged; no parts of the drive way have equi-distant width. Every single house faces its own direction.

I am told they have very very fat rats that have shed all fear for human-beings whatsoever –  they kiss defiantly and procreate as homeowners look on flabbergasted and helpless. Some guy put up a two storied palacial home (looks like 10 bedrooms) only to be surrounded by a noisy garage on one side, a sex house on another, and a pork joint on another. The road to Kira is like a drunkards trail. Completely forgotten by the powers that be. Kololo and Wandegeya: Perennial leakage of sewage. Kyanja: Perennial power oustages. Kkungu: One of the ‘sprawling’ surburbs but the roads are as narrow as bush paths. Educated, graduate, elite civil servants, army officers and corporates who construct their perimeter walls right into the middle of the road.

Neighbours cannot sit and agree on simple standards for road size – even when 5 of then agree, some fool buys next to them and builds right into the road, then puts a flower garden in what remains of the miserable road. An area of half a kilometer radius in Kisasi alone has 11 pharmacies, 28 ‘supermarkets’, and 41 salons. Every single packet of Lugazi sugar in a certain supermarket has a 1mm hole on the picture of the Lion. You think it is one Supermarket, only to find that it is all supermarkets. Kinyara sugar is worse – the holes are innocently hidden in the corners, draining 1 cubic centimeter of sugar per minute of your shopping trolley’s movement. Every single ‘Thermos’ Flask in Bukoto and Kisasi is actually a fake chinese excuse of a brand called ‘Thempos’ – you realize it after buying the thing and it works for 4 days before the bottle inside dislodges and shakes like a choir shaker – the thing works excellently in cooling the tea instead of keeping it warm!

Meat is preserved like deadbodies – reknown butchers cannot afford refrigerators – in any case, there is no butchery large enought to fit a standard freezer. Serious storied buildings are covered with very cheap synthetic cladding and bathroom tiles – within two years, they look like neglected toilets. Look at Ham’s buildings (at Kubbiri on the way to Bwaise and the one opposite Makerere’s main gate) they look like typical shitholes yet the guy is considered one of Uganda’s richest people. There is no single place in the Ntinda area where you find proper concrete pavers. The mix design for local pavers: 1 bag of cement to 10 wheelbarrows of sand. Every Tom-Dick-and Harry who failed Science now makes pavers. I haven’t even talked about the garages.

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