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SATIRE: Fired Trump staffers hold reunion

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Photograph by Jochen Tack / Alamy

HOUSTON (The Borowitz Report)—Former White House staffers who were fired by Donald Trump held their first reunion on Easter Sunday in Houston’s Astrodome.

The event, which drew a crowd of approximately sixty-five thousand people, had been organized by the recently axed Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson.

“The turnout is just outstanding,” a beaming Tillerson told reporters. “Of course, most of these people didn’t have anything else to do.”

The reunion was a veritable Who’s Who of dismissed Trump staffers, with such luminaries as Anthony Scaramucci, Sean Spicer, H. R. McMaster, Reince Priebus, and Steve Bannon spotted side by side at a make-your-own-taco station.

While the event ran smoothly for the most part, there was one minor hiccup when David Shulkin, the former Secretary of Veterans Affairs, was briefly denied entry until he could prove that he had actually been fired rather than having resigned.

“We made it very clear from the outset that this party was for fired staffers only,” Tillerson said. “But once David walked us through exactly how he got canned we were, like, O.K., you can come in.”

Given the success of the reunion, Tillerson said that it was “more than likely” that he would schedule a similar gathering for next year, but added, “We’re going to need a bigger stadium.”

Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,” and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes theBorowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.

Published on April 02, 2018 at 03:45PM

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