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Museveni on national and regional political situation

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WARNING:  This is satire.

QN:  AS HEAD OF STATE, IS IT OKAY TO DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM THE ONGOING LIFTING OF AGE LIMIT DEBATE?

The age limit is not as important as the presidential term limit which we smoothly lifted in 2005. At the right time we shall definitely lift the age limit. What is going on now is just a test of the ‘depth of the waters’.  Those opposed to the idea don’t have the capacity to stop us just as they did not have the capacity to do so in 2005.  On our part, in 2005 we used the financial muscle, just five million shillings to each MP.  Now, twelve years down the road, we have also added the gun muscle. Therefore, in terms of achieving our designs, with these two tools, the sky is the limit.  Moreover, in terms of credibility, the current parliamentarians are not as credible as those of 2005. There is no cause for alarm, we shall go over it.  As for the clobbering of MP Simeo Nsubuga during the Kabaka’s coronation in Mubende, I only have him to blame for trying to be more Catholic than the Pope.  Some of these people need to check their level of excitement moreover even Ssebasajja was smiling at the dramatic attack.

QN:  WHAT IS YOUR TAKE ON THE LAND AMMENDMENT BILL WHICH IS GENERATING STIFF RESISTANCE FROM UGANDANS?

Our long term strategy is to land in the countryside in the hands of big plantation owners and diary farmers.  For the diary farms, we already have the traditional pastrolist communities including what the misguided elements call Balaalo.  We are in the process of organising them into associations so that they can access loans from UDB which we are soon capitalising.  For the big commercial plantations, we need external investors who come with their capital and we give them free land.  BIDCO in Kalangala, Sugarcane in Amuru, Tobacco in West Nile are some of such plantations. That way we shall see the majority of the population voluntarily moving to urban centres leaving only those working on the diary farms and plantations in the countryside.  With the biting poverty, the majority of the population will have to part with their land. There are many ways of overcoming this semblance of resistance. One such way is by creating a security situation that will see the evacuation of locals and establishment of a security installation on the target land. Once that is achieved, afterwards the army can give way to an investor by moving away.  Moreover, the law on acquisition of land is in our favour.

Traditionally, our country is composed of communities which are identified with a specific geographical area.  Buganda for Baganda, Teso for Iteso, Busoga for Basoga, Bunyoro for Banyoro and many others. The 1995 constitution created a community called Banyarwanda but they don’t have a specific geographical area.  This is one of the issues which the proposed amendment intends to cure.  On the other hand, the stagnation of the Eastern Congo project (M23) is partly responsible for the pressure on land.  Otherwise, these so called Balaalo would be peacefully settled in the cattle corridor of Eastern Congo.

QN:  WHAT MEASURES DO YOU INTEND TO INITIATE TO CURB THE SKYROCKETING REFUGEE NUMBERS?

The presence of refugees in Uganda is a blessing from God; it’s a big economic resource.  During the recent refugee summit that we hosted, millions of foreign exchange were generated within a matter of a few hours.  Which developing country would not tap into such an opportunity!  We smiled when we saw some neighbouring countries expelling refugees and no doubt they must be regretting.

As for numbers, it’s not a problem at all and if anything, we would wish to have more and more. We pray that the political situation in our neighbouring countries compels more refugees to flee to Uganda. We have a guarantee from South Sudan and if all goes well we expect some from Kenya in a few days’ time. The presence of refugees puts us on the world map while at the same time neutralizing the negative publicity about us. The UN Secretary General was here not for the rigged elections and torture in Nalufenya but for humanitarian reasons to do with refugees. Since the struggle for independence, refugees have been part and parcel of our body politic. From patriots like John Kalekyezi, the father of our head of police, the Banyarwanda refugees who sustained the Iddi Amin regime by serving in security agencies, to our Bush War where Banyarwanda refugees formed the core of the fighters. The current president of Rwanda who had been our top intelligence chief and almost his entire government team grew up here as refugees.

QN:  DO YOU INTEND TO WITHDRAW YOUR TROOPS FROM SOMALIA IN LIGHT OF THE RECENT LOSS OF LIFE?

We have no intention of withdrawing from Somalia because just like the refugee scheme, the Somali peace keeping mission is outing us on the world map. It has helped us tame Western Imperialism and their usual arrogance. In the 1990s, they were defeated and ejected from Somalia and we have succeeded where they failed. Since they are so obsessed with the control of the so called Islamic Fundamentalism/global terrorism, they have no alternative but not to interfere in our internal governance for the sake of the Somali Mission. Actually, I am wondering as to why Trump has not called me to express his condolences and commitment to support us!

The amount of foreign exchange of military aid generated by our presence in Somalia is enormous. The mission has eased the welfare pressure of our troops; the monthly pay for our ordinary soldier in Somalia is equivalent to the monthly pay of two Generals in Uganda.  For the twelve soldiers who were recently killed in Somalia, the country and their families in particular registered an income of US $600,000 in compensation.

QN:  WHAT IS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE KENYA AND RWANDA ELECTRAL PROCESS ON UGANDA?

There is a likelihood of absence of election violence in Kenya because the top leaders are fearing to incite the voters. However, they may be some low level skirmishes which may bring us refugees. My only worry is that the process may threaten the future of the EAC. Owing to our history, I would not wish to see a Raila Odinga victory.

For Rwanda, in 1959 the so-called Hutu Revolution chased Tutsi from power.  Fortunately, the world sided with the exiled Tutsis and thirty years later they were able to regain power from the Hutu. The world has turned its back on the Hutu including those who were either babies or not yet born at the time of the 1994 Genocide. Since the Hutu are not as lucky as the Tutsi, they have had to adopt total submission thus what you call overwhelming support for the RPF and Kagame in particular.  The RPF candidate, Kagame, the Green Party candidate, Frank Habineza, and a one Ssekikubo who pulled out of the polls had all been here as Ugandans.  What about our own Kin Kaliisa whose son is named Gisa (after Gen. Fred Gisa Rwigyema) and he deployed his NBS Television to cover the elections whose Chairman of the Electoral Commission is Prof. Kaliisa Mbanda!    Therefore, what you call elections in Rwanda is actually a kind of victory parade for some section of Rwandese. Therefore, it’s wrong to admire the so-called stability and good governance in some of these countries but for those who wish to, we are steadily getting to that.

QN:  FINALLY, WHATS YOUR COMMENT ON THE HOIMA -TANGA PIPELINE?

Maybe you didn’t get your biology right.  Just like the umbilical cord connects the mother and the foetus in the womb, the pipeline connects Uganda and Tanzania. You recall initially the pipeline was supposed to go through Kenya during the Coalition of the Willing whereby we had isolated Tanzania.  We later realised that we need Tanzania more than we do with Kenya. Therefore, the pipeline is our “KOGIKWATAKO” (dare touch it).  It’s not by accident that we launched it from Tanga instead of the source in Hoima.

INFORMATION IS POWER AND DEFIANCE IS THE WAY TO GO.

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