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LITERATURE: Trump to Discontinue Obama-Era Practice of Using Lowercase Letters

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By Andy Borowitz, THE NEW YORKER

Photograph by Olivier Douliery / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Charting a sharply different course from that of his predecessor in the White House, Donald J. Trump announced on Monday that he would discontinue the Obama-era practice of using lowercase letters.

In a series of early-morning tweets, Trump announced the ban on lowercase letters, calling them “SMALL” and “WEAK.”

“I WILL KEEP AMERICA STRONG BY USING ALL CAPS,” he tweeted. “THERE ARE NO SMALL LETTERS IN USA!”

“LITTLE LETTERS BAD!!!” Trump added, for emphasis.

Trump’s policy of zero tolerance for lowercase letters could have a sweeping impact on the federal bureaucracy if, as rumored, all government agencies are required to retrofit their computers and mobile devices with a permanent caps-lock key.

Additionally, civil-liberties groups argued that Trump’s war on lowercase letters flies in the face of the First Amendment, which implicitly protects the right to use letters of all sizes and fonts.

Amid the controversy, the White House appeared to walk back the new policy later in the day, as aides revealed that Trump will still use lowercase letters, in the style of the poet e. e. cummings, when communicating with Vladimir Putin.

Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,” and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes theBorowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com. —— AUTO – GENERATED; Published (Halifax Canada Time AST) on: July 23, 2018 at 02:53PM

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