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Your children are not punching bags for your failed relationship

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Our responsibility is to love our kids and share them.  When one parent kidnaps children and deprives them of seeing the other parent, they are settling their relationship scores using the children.  One of the biggest mistakes couples make.  

Do not try it.  You will pay a hefty price when your children grow up and detest you for having kept them away from the other parent or even told them horror stories of the other parent.  For every time you denigrade the other parent, you tell the kids they are also worth nothing.  Do you want to live with that? 

Were I to also judge the relationship of our daughters with their father, they would never fly back to France.  But France is in their blood.  And he has never stopped me from flying with them to Uganda.  Why do some parents not see it that children belong to both parents?  It makes no sense when you think only you can have them.  They grow up.  They ask questions.  They resent you.  For the love of our children, please….

ON DIVORCE AND CHILDREN. THE LAWS IN USA AND CANADA DEAL WITH A LOT BUT HERE IS ONE JUDGE THAT TOLD THE PARENTS HER MIND. The gist is our kids must not be used as punching bags. No matter what our differences are. Our responsibility is to love our kids. Some of these stories about children were shared years ago.  Please see the links below.

http://nangalama.blogspot.com/2017/01/your-children-are-not-punching-bags-for.html

First shared on September 23, 2015

http://nangalama.blogspot.com/2015/09/you-make-big-mistake-to-think-that-your.html

ON DIVORCE AND CHILDREN. THE LAWS IN USA AND CANADA DEAL WITH A LOT BUT HERE IS ONE JUDGE THAT TOLD THE PARENTS HER MIND. The gist is our kids must not be used as punching bags. No matter what our differences are.

“Your children have come into this world because of the two of you. Perhaps you two made lousy choices as to whom you decided to be the other parent. If so, that is your problem and your fault.

No matter what you think of the other party—or what your family thinks of the other party—these children are one-half of each of your. Remember that, because every time you tell your child what an “idiot” his father is, or what a “fool” his mother is, or how bad the absent parent is, or what terrible things that person has done, you are telling the child half of him is bad.
That is an unforgivable thing to do to a child. That is not love. That is possession. If you do that to your children, you will destroy them as surely as if you had cut them into pieces, because that is what you are doing to their emotions.

I sincerely hope that you do not do that to your children. Think more about your children and less about yourselves, and make yours a selfless kind of love, not foolish or selfish, or your children will suffer.”

http://defend-yourself-go-pro-se.blogspot.ca/2012/07/minnesota-judge-has-200-blunt-words-for.html

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I shared the following numerous times with the latest being from a post of October 27, 2016.

http://nangalama.blogspot.com/2016/10/parenting-khalil-gibran-on-children.html
As a parent who is facing the kids learning to fly, I also do not want them to go away. Three of our girls are now away. The little one should remain small and not go away. However in 2 years, our 15yr old daughter will also leave home and has also decided to fly away for University to the West Coast. We live on the East Coast.
For all I know, she might even go to the US with sports and all.

Every time I get anxious, I read The Prophet and here is what he says about kids. Remember I left my parents in Uganda to finish high school in Canada. My mother cried like you have any idea but dad told me to fly away.

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And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, “Speak to us of Children.”

And he said: 

Your children are not your children. 

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. 

They come through you but not from you, 

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. 

You may give them your love but not your thoughts. 

For they have their own thoughts. 

You may house their bodies but not their souls, 

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. 

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. 

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. 

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. 

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. 

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness; 

For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
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